Sunday, April 12, 2009

sagging pants = jail

70% of people in this Florida town voted for a ban on sagging pants, so now it's going to court.

NY Times article

There's a line in the article where the prosecutor mentions that people "Just got fed up with looking at people's bottoms." Well, TOUGH SHIT. You can't make a LAW that tells people how they can dress. Period. Well, David, but, isn't it true that we have indecent exposure laws, and like women can't show their boobs or pussies and men can't show their weiners? I mean, there are STANDARDS, man, there are LAWS, and we need them. In this case, no, we don't. If women want to wear long-sleeve sweaters with the nipples cut out, so be it. Same goes for vag. I see a woman walking down the street with her meat curtains dangling from a slit in her jeans, that is her prerogative. Yeah, sure David, YOU don't mind, but what about MY CHILDREN? I don't care if you're out in public and your kid sees a pussy, or a weiner for that matter. Why? Because fuck your kids, that's why. Seriously, though, if a guy flashes his cock to your kid in private, that's different. That's focused on YOUR child, and it's damaging. If a man wants to somehow velcro his naked penis to his shirt via some ingenious cock-ring apparatus, and your kid gets a peek at this guys dick and balls, the skin of which he's probably thumbtacked into his thighs, I will support that man's right to wear his penis out in public. I certainly wouldn't want a LAW to stop him from doing that. You see, laws like that exist to protect that guy, not your kid. In animal communities, ours included, flashing your junk means war. The wrath the members of this ill-conceived fashion movement would incur through breaking this societal taboo would probably end in murder, and then we'd all be better off for losing the ballskin stretching, dick-velcroing retards. Too many people who would walk about with their cock out in today's society are hindered from doing so by oppressive laws, which have kept them alive long enough to procreate, probably several times, populating the planet with more bungholes.

None of which really has to do with sagging, during which you're still clothed. Think of what this could incur, people. What if I accidentally forget to throw a belt on in the morning? I'm walking to class, or something, and my backpack hikes my shirt up and everyone sees my boxers. BAM, that's a fine. Because some people (cough, old people, cough) are just TIRED of having to look at my bottom.

Well, since we're now getting into the process of making things that old people find aesthetically displeasing illegal, I made a little list of things they should go to jail for:

Smelling like mothballs.
Paying for things with checks.
Eating ice cream.
Soiling themselves.
Being adorably sexist/racist.
Being no-fun douchebag party poopers.

No comments: