Friday, January 30, 2009

25 things

From Facebook:

Write 25 random things about yourself. Then tag 25 people.

1) I don't believe in ghosts. But when I lived in Germany, the apartment we lived in, that shit was haunted.

2) I love to look at expensive pens and watches. Mont Blancs and Rolexes, yes yes. Also, Obey came out with a pen recently that's pretty sharp.

3) My skin is dry. I have to use several Bath and Body Works lotions to keep myself from flaking. One time, when I was in 4th grade, the class was standing in line to go to Art, and I watched a couple black girls ask a kid if they could see his hands. I thought this was weird. When he showed them his palms they screamed and he clenched his fist and pulled it back to his chest. I saw his hands, the skin was peeling off, it was gross. But I hated the girls. I was looking at the ash on my hands today and thinking about that. I don't know why I'm so dry. I think it's a combination of the Oklahoma air and the water in my apartment complex. It's rusty, and if I go too long my shower curtains will look straight Silent Hill.

4) When I sit down and the crotch of my pants bulges out, I'm afraid some people will think it's my penis.

5) I like the ideas behind a lot of books. I like about .005% of them in execution. Picky, yes. I will read one bad sentence and toss the book. Borges said it best, you've got millions of books out there, if you're reading one and it starts to suck, toss that shit.

6) I hate the fact that I get red when I get drunk. It's embarrassing.

7) Kahlua is going to be cremated when she dies. I'm going to wear her ashes in a little globe around my neck.

8) I don't brush my teeth for anywhere close to long enough in the morning.

9) Movies don't interest me much, anymore. It makes me sad, but there's nothing out there that excites me. I'd like to see more Jodorowsky-ian or Lynchian stuff, minus all the boring parts. On that note, since this is kind of the movie fact-about-me, lemme give this baby rant: Don't you hate it, in movies, when you figure something out, then the movie flashes back to all the appropriate scenes to remind the other viewers what's going on? It cheapens it. It's like when you did extra credit in high school, and your gym coach/teacher walks into class, hungover, and says, "Fuck it. Everyone gets extra credit." And you, little douche nozzle that you are, say, "But I did the work..."

10) I have destroyed 92% of everything I've ever written. Once again, I'm picky. So it's embarrassing when the stuff that makes it through is still sub-par.

11) I want to go to Burning Man this year. I hear Rosario Dawson goes. But that's not why I want to go, Rios.

12) In high school I was a music snob. Now I like most things. Listened to Blink-182 tonight, for example.

13) Told myself I'd never watch "Lost." Now I'm almost caught up. Shit is compelling, if you're like me and love the idea of a polar bear on a tropical island, or black smoke that kills people.

14) Tonight I saw a guy bust his ass in the parking lot of Hastings. He laid there for a while. I laughed. Later, as I was browsing the used books, I saw that EMTs had come, and the dude was in a neck brace. I didn't really feel one way or another, except I was a bit curious to see if the man looked embarrassed. He didn't.

15) I'm one of the only people I know that likes cottage cheese. High in protein.

16) Used to play the guitar, a lot. Haven't played seriously in about a year. That doesn't bother me.

17) I like the idea of Hunter Thompson more than his writing. The two-thumbed fist is cool, too.

18) I've had the same Netflix movie sitting on my computer for a few weeks.

19) Can't stand it when people don't pick up their dog's shit. Honestly people, that is some seriously gross nonsense. Bring a little bag with you. Pick it up. Put it in the trash. It is not hard.

20) I can't tell two people with down syndrome apart. They are like the Chinese of the mentally handicapped world.

21) There are times when I'm convinced, no matter what, that anything I do will suck. This is when I clean, because with dishes, it's either done or it's not.

22) I have a strange obsession with Russians, but I think I'm even more interested in Western culture's interpretation of Russians.

23) Frustration sets in when people start to talk about God.

24) I try not to judge people. If they say they read the New Yorker, sure, they probably read it. Then they say it again and I can't stop the thoughts, they're like a flood: Nobody reads the New Yorker. Nobody has time to read the New Yorker. Nobody has...then I remember that I'm the guy who thinks it's funny, every time, when my dog drops her ball in my pants when they're around my ankles, when I'm pooping. Maybe some people read the New Yorker, don't judge.

25) David Foster Wallace committing suicide had a profound effect on me. There's the word: PROFOUND. I was deeply upset about it, but I still don't think I can articulate why. Bolano's dead, but that's never bothered me, I never received his transmissions "in real time", it was all after the fact. That's part of what makes his books so enigmatic, I guess. Who wouldn't be interested to read the words of a guy that knows he's dying? On the other hand, to read the words of a brilliant mind "in real time", and to have that mind shut down, unexpectedly, it's like a hole opened up somewhere in the upper-right-hand corner of reality, and you can't close it up. It's not that big of a deal, but if I think about it too much it'll make me sad.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


We got snow here. At least, I think it's snow. I've heard rumors of "globules". Don't think I buy that. It's snow, and ice, and we Oklahomans suck in it. I nearly busted my ass walking into Happy Garden (which, by the way, is now offering shockingly smaller portions...the whole reason I go there is because 1 meal at Happy Garden typically = 4 meals). Rios busted her ass on the steps, thanks to Kahlua almost busting/panicking. Rios's fine, but Kahlua has looked guilty for the past two days.

School's been canceled for three days. This is good, it's given me time to study Calculus 2. Why on earth I thought I could take Calc 2 w/o Calc 1...I thought the math I had in El Paso was equivalent. I was mistaken. I've never just dropped a class, but this is starting to seem like a bad idea. And it's a setback, college-wise, but fuck it, I will probably be in college until the Great Serpent begins Its (His? Her?) new cycle.

Conspiracy theory: the entrance to our little apartment complex is covered in ice and snow because of The Man. I've stalled twice trying to get in. The entrances to the neighborhood across the street, which also happens to be the kind of neighborhood where, if you walk past the fences really quick and make that flip-book effect, you can see their swimming pools/grills/dogs, is clean as a whistle, and I know this, because I turned around in this neighborhood to get at my entrance from a different angle. Obviously, this is classism.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

torture collar

Today I was walking Kahlua and we passed by an old woman walking her golden retriever. She said, "Oh, my, look at the pretty puppy. She's so pretty. How are you? What do you have on your face? Why does she have that on her face?"

Kahlua is a crazy beast, and I got tired of listening to her strangle herself on her normal leash, so I bought her the Gentle Leader, which looks like this:

And it keeps the pressure off of her neck. She walks like a normal dog when its on.

The old woman said, "I hate that. I think that makes dogs mean. She's a good dog, she probably doesn't even bark."

I just nodded and told her to have a nice day. Why do random people throw their two cents in all the time? I watched this woman let her dog shit in someone's yard, and she didn't pick it up. But did I say anything? No, I minded my own business.

btw I looked online and this thing has gotten like 95% glowing reviews. The one bad review I read was from a guy who (shock!) was trying to sell his own brand of dog collar.

Monday, January 19, 2009

good day

Kahlua and I walked far, and I wrote like a madman. Worked a little, too.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I got sick last night at about 3:30. Lots of diarrhea. Then, in the morning, my whole body ached. Then I started vomiting. I'm finally starting to feel better. Rios is an amazing nurse. She stayed with me all day. When I feel better I shall buy her a pizza.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I uploaded a shit ton of pictures over at Facebook.

One thing that's really hard to convey through the pictures is the vastness of these caverns. They made me feel very small. It was an amazing experience.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


I walked Kahlua tonight. Usually on our walks we don't see anybody. Tonight I noticed three joggers and two other dog walkers. Kids have Christmas, where they get toys and play with them the next day and then get tired of them, it's the exact same with adults and resolutions. Everybody's out playing with their resolution tonight, but tomorrow?

Here's my list that I'll hopefully stick to:

Be positive.
Eliminate a couple annoying OCD tics.
Work out more.
Write more.

New Year's Eve was amazing! The Flaming Lips are always great.