future things

Cool things I will probably never do:
Surf
Fence
Start a slow clap
Kill a man for looking at me wrong
Turn into a dog, wait for someone to fall over, and put my paws over my eyes
Have sex for money
Pasteurize milk
Meet an alien
See a ghost
Learn Muay Thai

Cool things I will definitely do:
Live in New Zealand for three months
Move to Portland
Visit Japan
Parasail
Visit the caves of the underworld in Egypt
Get muscle
Write a whole bunch of books
Get a BFF tattoo with Chermaine
Meet my heroes

Terrible things I hope I never have to do:
Shoot a dog
Lose all my money in a poker game
Kill myself
Violate my anus with a remote control
Crash my car
Move to an Arctic research station
Piss off the Russians
Cut off a limb because it has a mind of its own
Get a catheter

Terrible things I will probably have to do:
Get a soul crushing job
Pay Taxes
Wait in lines
Pretend to listen to boring people
Eat a bug
Your mom