This morning I kicked my dog's ass. She does this thing, when we walk, if there's a smell or squirrel that she wants to get to, where she plants her feet and puts every ounce of her 30 pounds into scrambling over to it. I tend to stop her from doing this by planting my feet and pulling slightly, which eventually will get her to stop. Usually. Well, yesterday I decided I'd had enough, so when she went to do it this morning, trying to smell some grass, she planted her feet like a UFC fighter when they're getting taken down, distributing her body weight, leaning, hard, and I said "Fuck this," and actually PULLED.
It was awesome.
I can't explain the physics of it, but her legs went out from under her and she landed on her side and rolled once and hopped up and shook it off and continued walking with me.
Of course, my first fear was, "Oh shit, I hope nobody saw me do that." Which is probably sort of what parents feel when they first spank their kids in public. But then I rationalized it: I didn't hurt her, and am I really supposed to just let her do whatever the fuck she wants on a walk because I live in a neighborhood of nosy pussies?