"Come on, Kahlua. Wanna go outside?"
"I would love to take a walk."
"You're a good girl."
"Here's your leash."
"NO. NO. A THOUSAND TIMES NO."
"Kahlua, quit fucking around, put your leash on."
"I WILL NOT."
"Dog, you know we can't go outside till you put this on. We do this every day, and it never changes anything."
"WOULDST THOU NOT COWER UNDER THE MASTER'S LASH THE HUNDREDTH TIME SAME AS THE FIRST???"
"Jesus Christ. Here. Would you like a potato chip?"
"I would love one, thank you-- OH YOU'VE DISTRACTED ME."
"There. Now let's go for a walk."
"I am so melancholy."
"Quit being a baby."
"Sigh. I just...my, the air is fresh. And look, Father, over there! A squirrel! Oh the butterflies, how they tickle my nose! How the leaves crunch delightfully beneath my paws! How the sun shines upon my cool fur! Nature, you truly are God's gift to dogs. I believe I'll take a shit."